Love and Hope

After all this time it is necessary to say this:I have had my heart broken for the third time in 5 months. First my wife died in March then I met someone that I thought was my second chance at a life with someone.Then after the first time i got close she pushed me away .This is the third time and I am finally through.
It is too bad because i do care deeply for her but it seems it is all one way and i am not a fool .
I am hoping that she comes to see how I feel and sees that we have a special connection that won't go away easily.too bad that it worked out this way but it was her choice.

Selling a House

Is a very traumatic thing.Specially when you don't really want to.It is a situation that more people are running into.In our case it is simply too big and requires more maintenance than I can give it.
Downsizing will be a major undertaking.After 22 years you collect a lot of stuff that is just not worth keeping.We never thought we would be leaving here.
A year and a half ago our barn blew down in a storm.someone complained about "unsightly premises" so the county had no recourse but to force a clean-up.I have been giving away the lumber from the barn but there is still a lot still here.Now we are in a situation where there is no choice but to sell the house in order to pay for the cleanup.The person who complained is anonymous--to us.I would really like to say THANKS A LOT.You have ruined our lives.This is not something the county wants to proceed with and they have been very good in giving us time to get it cleaned up.Unfortunately,neither my wife or myself are physically able to do the heavy labor required to do the job,and we can't afford to pay for someone to do the job.So we sell.
It will all work out in the end bet I have to say this is not the way I thought we would end up.

2008

well,we made it through another year.
This has definitely been a year of make or break.A real test of love,patience,and in the end acceptance.
There isn't much good that I can say about 2007 except my wife is still here.Not an easy year for health problems overall.
I think I will likely post more often this year-at least I'll try.

August 2

It has been a while since I have been here.Most of the time I just don't have much to say so I say nothing.I wish more people would follow this advice,and put their brain in gear before they open their mouth.
It seems that alcohol can turn the most loving person into a raving maniac at the slightest provocation-a problem I used to have.It seemed prudent to quit drinking almost 15 yrs. ago.I do believe it saved my life and marriage.
Over the Canada day weekend I had a few beer and realized that I no longer have an interest in getting drunk.Enjoyed the taste,Hated the result.
I so badly would like to see a few people who are close to me to realize they are killing themselves.,Unfortunately,as I discovered from my own experience,you cannot convince someone they have a problem until they see it for themselves.
Perhaps this will change,but likely not.It is so sad to watch loved ones on this slippery slope and realize I can do nothing to slow the down hill ride.

Happy New Year?

Last night Dec.30 my car decided to die.We were finishing up our new years shopping and had to make 1 more stop.Naturally I shut the car off,picked up the last few things and went back to the car- NO GO.
After trying for a while it became necessary to try and get home.At this point I called a friend(I thought) for a ride home.He was 5 mins. away but said he was to busy working on a computer to pick us up.At this point I called a friend who lives a mile away from us and although she NEVER drives at night or in town-she is 73,she said she would still come and get us.Fortunately a young friend was home and he drove her car to get us.
My so called friend called a few times after we got home--not in the mood to talk to him last night.
First thing this morning he called and instead of being concerned about the welfare of my ill wife he wanted to tell me about the computer problems he had last night.
It seems to me that the welfare of my friends is a good deal more important than an old computer.
It is disheartening to find that this friend is just another self centered moron. Oh well,life goes on.

Christmas

or how to alienate everybody.
There seem to be a large number of people that appear to have nothing better to do than try to force their religious views on the most important of Christian holidays.If we were to try and get any other group to change the icons of their religion to suit our views there would be an uproar of biblical proportions. Come on folks,we celebrate Christmas.You are free to celebrate any way You choose-or not-let us have our tree,Santa Claus,the nativity on our lawn and all the other trappings that go with Christmas.
I promise not to bother you when you observe your mid-winter celebration whatever it may be.
Although it may be politically correct right now,I will still continue to wish "Merry Christmas" not merry x-mas or happy holidays or whatever other foolish pc greeting that is popular this year.
So to one and all
MERRY CHRISTMAS

Reality

No matter how strong you think you may be,there is a time that you WILL have a complete breakdown.When you meet that moment let yourself take the time to face the fact that life and death are the two things we have no control over.Let yourself cry,and let your friends and family help you through. Never think that you are alone.There is always someone to offer help if you are prepared to accept.
Men -myself included-are quite often unable to accept emotional aid in times of crisis so we suffer in silence and develop ulcers,drinking and drug problems and wind up in an even worse state than the original problem.
This I have learned recently and it is something I will never forget.If not for a few really beautiful people ,I would likely have gone the way of many men that wind up living an empty life filled with loneliness and despair.
To all the people that offered help and support through the most terrible time I have ever known"THANK YOU" from the bottom of my heart.